ON MOTHERHOOD, IDENTITY CRISIS AND ACTING

I don't think many things are as transformational as birthing a baby. Also, from my experience, nothing I thought I knew was relevant, so I had to combine a set of newly learned survival skills with unsolicited advice and terrible headaches due to sleepless nights. Career dropped dramatically from a centre-stage position to the pitch of the unimportant things /unurgent matters hole.

For actors, becoming a mother can lead to an acute identity crisis,  when they are no longer primarily focused on their work, which used to be a defining part of who they were. A shift in priorities frequently triggers a perioed of introspection and priority reassessment.

The Change in Identity

An actress's sense of self is profoundly altered when she becomes a mother. "Who am I?" and "What do I want?" become pivotal points in her inner monologue. Women who are transitioning to parenthood often experience an identity crisis as they attempt to reconcile their new position with their previous identities as actresses. Compared to other mothers, we do at least know what it feels like to be home for a bit longer than we wanted to, aware that our identity is shifting with each character we embrace and comfortable with being spat on or kicked for apparently no reason, I'll give us that!

Impact on Career

An actress's career can be significantly impacted by the responsibilities of motherhood: During pregnancy, castings may stop completely or just decline. Taking a young child along makes long-term commitments and tours more difficult.There is a tension between the desire for stability in parenting and the unpredictable nature of acting employment. Many actresses are having to reassess their career goals and consider if they can manage the pressures of the entertainment industry while also being mothers.

"Most women I knew who had started families had stopped acting, but some were obviously able to make it work – I just didn’t know any personally. The determination I’d carried with me to make my career work my whole life stepped up another gear, and sure enough, I was pregnant before I knew it. Great! But then the reality of being a pregnant actress hit hard. Castings. Just. Stopped. The last one I went to was a commercial recall with a foreign shoot, wearing an outfit with cleaver ruching to disguise my growing belly, and panicking at the (now rightly defunct) “Are you or your partner pregnant?” question on the form." Lainy Boyle

Discovering New Priorities

As parenting comes first, many actresses recognize a change in their top values. Career aspirations often get surrendered to the desire to be there for their child. The pressure to be an "impressive" working woman might decline as more women choose to become mothers. Some could experience bewilderment or a sense of loss as their status as actresses becomes less evident. As a both acting and psychology professional, I could only notice some of these new qualities that come from embracing motherhood.

Unlocking Hidden Powers

Even if it can be difficult, being a mother often reveals a deeper set of abilities that can improve an actress's quality of life both personally and professionally:

• Empathy and Compassion

An actress's emotional range is widened by motherhood, which may improve her capacity to relate to both characters and audiences.  The extreme delight, terror, and love that come with being a parent can convert into more nuanced roles and better performances. 

• Efficiency and Time Management

Good organizing abilities are essential to juggle childcare, auditions, and employment. Actresses frequently develop time management skills that help them become more focused and productive in their work.

• Flexibility and Resilience

Resilience is necessary because both acting and parenting are unpredictable. Mothers who work as actors frequently have more ability for adapting to changes, which is a vital talent in the entertainment sector.

• Honesty and Self-confidence 

Several actors claim that after becoming moms, they felt more at ease and honest during auditions. A change in priorities could relieve the pressure to schedule every job, resulting in authentic performances.

Support Networks or " Do you have the Village ?"

It's really helpful if you have retired grandparents nearby. We don't, however, we do have a few really special neighbors who care for our dog and that's a huge help!  You also need a partner who is totally on board with juggling responsibilities and schedules, whether or not they are in the profession. My partner's work is unfortunately not flexible, plus he is working long hours to add every bit of financial stability he can to our family. So this could feel frustrating. Working becomes a luxury and tapes and auditions that would take a lot of preparation before becoming a “one-time hit that record button” and “ how am I supposed to memorize lines with my Mom Brain ?!” Also: “ What if I actually get the job and then with everyone watching me I sneeze on set and pee my pants ?” Yes, I know! Those questions we never thought we’d ask ourselves!

One time I went for a recall in central London, Iris's childminder called me to say that she was not feeling well and I should go get her immediately. The amount of frustration associated with being a new mother who's also trying to get any work as an actress is insane. For self-tapes and casting waiting rooms, you need a charged device that plays muted cartoons. On the financial side,  if you meet the requirements, mothers in the U.K. can receive Maternity Allowance. Sadly, men who are self-employed get nothing. Above all that, remember to have a positive mentality, just like in any business.

I feel more confident though working from home, close to our childminder and a toilet I could use anytime I want to :)

That’s where writing, coaching, producing, WeAudition, and Positive Psychology Coaching stepped in!  There's also https://motherswhomake.org (Mothers Who Make ) and https://www.raisingfilms.com (Raising Films) that I found really helpful platforms.

New Definition of Succes

Many actors find themselves reconsidering what success means to them as they work through this identity shift. Some people might decide to withdraw from acting, either temporarily or permanently. Others might look for jobs that fit their new ideals and way of life.

Many find that their experiences as mothers have inspired them to pursue their craft with even greater fervour.

The important thing is to accept the shift and understand that becoming a mother doesn't take away from one's identity as an actress—rather, it gives it a whole new meaning.  Many actors discover that parenting improves their artistic ability and adds depth to their performances that they were unable to achieve before by using these new perspectives and skills.

Celebrities and Motherhood

As a mom of a newborn baby, I remember reading this interview with Claire Foy and understanding that the terror of having to juggle motherhood while pursuing a career in acting hits us all, from those barely working to the most successful in our industry, at any stage or income. That baby either has the mother near or she's working 14 hours a day, no matter the amount of money she makes. Foy was five months pregnant when she auditioned for The Crown, and she started filming when her baby was only four months old. " It makes me sick thinking about it ! I would never have a four-month-old and do that again. " , and " This industry is fundamentally flawed. You're working 14 to 16-hour days. One person has always to be at home and that is conventionally the woman. In some countries, like France, women are paid a lump sum of money when they have a baby. It feels like in our society, there is this thing where everything falls on the woman. The guilt of it. The burden of it." The actress broke up with her partner and father of the baby during those first months of being a new mom that was on set 14 hours a day, so she recognisez the sacrificies she made and how she has paid for the decision to work : " There are periods when she is with her dad and not with me. That is physically painful. Physically painful. "

After having kids, Angelina Jolie also admited that motherhood has deeply changed her priorities: “I’ll be happier behind the camera. I’m happy to be home. I want to really focus on my children, doing the best I can to guide and protect them before they are out of the house. These are their most important years.”

It’s not often easy to compare the average person’s life with that of a celebrity. But, some mothers in the film and television industry make it a little easier to see the connection and set positive examples for how to balance acting and parenting  – even in a stressful modern life. It’s one thing for an actress to be a great mom on screen. Knowing some actresses take their real-life roles just as seriously is uplifting, and can even be encouraging to “regular moms” who need to know they’re not alone in this challenging industry.

If you're a mother struggling with identity loss, just like I did, I want to tell you you are not alone and I am a safe space in case you want to get in touch. If you have not experienced this personally then I hope it helps in getting a clearer idea of what your friends and family might go through or how you could understand and support them in this crazy quest for a new identity, and if you are considering becoming a mother but you're not sure about the impact it would have, I could only say I know no mothers who said " I wished I didn't have a baby so I could keep on working ". Love is not as much related to a profession as much as it is to having a family, no matter how passionate we are about it!

Much Love,

Delia